I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
