I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
