It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
