I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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