quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
