just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
