Need sex. Gaining weight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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