just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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