I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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