Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
