if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
