Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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