I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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