Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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