just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
