can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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