Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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