I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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