omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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