her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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