Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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