a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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