we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
