so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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