I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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