i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
