It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
where are my eyebrows?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
