DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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