woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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