if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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