i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
