shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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