Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
