talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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