Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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