I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
