Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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