I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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