I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize