I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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