She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
