I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
