I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
