so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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