I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
