my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
