if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
