also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
