Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
