I need help removing her.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
