Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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