I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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