god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
