Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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