Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
