he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
