Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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