Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
