Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
