The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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