Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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