Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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