I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
