need another drink. this is the easiest way
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
