i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
