WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
