how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My life is pants optional.
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