I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
