if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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