I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
